New perspective

I've always thought that my tendancy to over-planning events in my life was a sign of being organized and anticipating the unexpectd. I was informed last night that this over-planning and planning for the worst thing I do is overwhelming. If someone would have told me this before the first 3 decades of my life, that would have been great. Now I have to figure out some way not to overwhelm those that I care about most.

But I wonder if people realize how hard it is for people to stop living in "survival mode". For so long, planning for the unexpected and planning for the worst in life is what kept me alive. Now to put a stop to it, is going to be harder than I thought.

What others see

Sometimes I wish that I could see myself the way that others do. Others see me as someone who is dedicated to helping others. They see me as someone who is hard working, determined, successful, confident in myself and my abilities.

Why can't I see that?

I see someone who is constantly trying to prove herself and her worth to everyone around her. I see someone who is always trying to do more for others, not only because I care about people, but because I want them to accept me. Because I don't accept myself.

If I saw myself the way that others did, this interview process wouldn't be a cause for me to stress about! I would be confident in my accomplishments and what I've achieved for my company and with my life. If only...